The nights experience was new. I would have slept for 3 hrs and up at 2am for some reason. By 3.30am i was out in the open terrace meditating - chanting, counting, breath awareness. The night was wonderful with the climate just right for it to happen. The deadening silence with occasional flutter of the wings of some birds or the growls of dogs. All these made me smile with joy. When everything is a reason for celebration, everything just makes you smile. At times i got physically uncomfortable with non existent pains and nags. Yes i still have to go some distance. The feeling of intense awareness slowly started dawning, it was as if you where in full awareness of the immediate surrounding, as if its illuminated by a 1000 watt bulb and you were fresh in the moment observing everything.
Time went fast and cold wind started blowing and the mind realized it. I made a move into the terrace room by 5.30am and continued lying down in awareness. Not sure if i dozed off, but all through out this feeling of awareness was with me as if i was observing me sleeping. It wasn't the ultimate for there were breaks and movements and shifts.
Then moved on at 6.30am and took to a jog for 20 minutes. Finally it ended on top of the 45 stairs stadium and the meditation then too was different. Everything felt light and reasonless.
So far at 4pm, there is no signs of sleepiness or tiredness or frustration or tension. Everything feels silent.
The mind anticipated a sleepy observed and got the car to spend the afternoon in. The mind is wrong and is now reason - less.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
Conditioned for ages
When I look inside myself, I catch a glimpse of what seems like centuries of conditioning.
One thing is certain: that you are not part of the conditioning, you are the watcher. There has to be a fixed reference point for the observer to observe the observed. Same concept is felt with 2 men on different trains moving at the same speed observing each other. The confusion is eminent. The dimension is different, the clarity is felt when one of them is unmoving and watching.
For a seeker the same holds good ie when he looks inside and see the centuries of conditioning, be aware..that you are not part of the conditioning, you are the watcher. Why else can you see the same two brothers of a family totally different in their approach to life. One might be and extrovert, a heart driven guy, a let go or leave it attitude whereas the other could be introvert, a mind driven, no its not right - attitude. Why are the basic nature of each individual different although the external factors or circumstances are the same? It could be the conditioning happening across centuries to something and there is a something that is stable, motionless able to observe the moving.
So have strong faith, you are the watcher, watch the observed raising in anger just because a bullet biker with a girl on it raced with the observed. Would this happen to all? I guess not.
Observe the uncompromising need for the observed to win an argument. Observe the uncompromising need of the observed for making the partner follow your way of thinking and doing - this is right, do this, dont do like that, eat this, wear this, talk to everyone and so on.
Observe the uncompromising need for the observed to feel that the family would not run without them.
Observe the uncompromising need for the observed to prove to the society their worth in building a high flying career.
Observe the uncompromising need for the observed to say, no i will do as i please, even though he would not want to do it.
Observe the uncompromising need for the observed to even win an argument with their little kid, just because he is the provider? even though he might be wrong.
Observe the uncompromising need for the observed to win an ego fight even with his 6 month old dog and thrashes it up?
Hmm... observe the observed. Do not think about the logic behind these action for there are no rights and wrongs. Just conditioned people and observer being identified with the conditioned observed. Conditioning's are just like dust which has gathered on the mirror; it can be washed away, and the mirror will come to its purity immediately. No dust can destroy the mirror, it can only hide it. Conditioning's can hide you, but they cannot destroy you. Just as dust can be removed from the mirror, conditioning's can be removed as easily.
Mrs. Goldstein’s frustrated next door neighbor is trying to squeeze some affection out of little Hymie. ”Do you love me, darling?” the neighbor asked Hymie. Little Hymie nodded. ”Then put your arms around me, honey, and give me a great big kiss,” she said. Hymie went on kicking his football. ”How much do you love me, precious?” the neighbor kept on. ”Show me how you would cry if I died,” she urged. ”Die first!” said Hymie running off. Do something. Don’t go on intellectualizing. Children are very clear about their perceptions. What is the point of thinking intellectually that ”If I die, would you cry?” Hymie is absolutely right – ”Die first! And then we will see.” You have to stop thinking about these things. Thinking is not going to lead anywhere. Start meditating, becoming more aware, alert – and then you don’t need my answer. The answer is within you. I am simply saying that which you will find arising within yourself.
One thing is certain: that you are not part of the conditioning, you are the watcher. There has to be a fixed reference point for the observer to observe the observed. Same concept is felt with 2 men on different trains moving at the same speed observing each other. The confusion is eminent. The dimension is different, the clarity is felt when one of them is unmoving and watching.
For a seeker the same holds good ie when he looks inside and see the centuries of conditioning, be aware..that you are not part of the conditioning, you are the watcher. Why else can you see the same two brothers of a family totally different in their approach to life. One might be and extrovert, a heart driven guy, a let go or leave it attitude whereas the other could be introvert, a mind driven, no its not right - attitude. Why are the basic nature of each individual different although the external factors or circumstances are the same? It could be the conditioning happening across centuries to something and there is a something that is stable, motionless able to observe the moving.
So have strong faith, you are the watcher, watch the observed raising in anger just because a bullet biker with a girl on it raced with the observed. Would this happen to all? I guess not.
Observe the uncompromising need for the observed to win an argument. Observe the uncompromising need of the observed for making the partner follow your way of thinking and doing - this is right, do this, dont do like that, eat this, wear this, talk to everyone and so on.
Observe the uncompromising need for the observed to feel that the family would not run without them.
Observe the uncompromising need for the observed to prove to the society their worth in building a high flying career.
Observe the uncompromising need for the observed to say, no i will do as i please, even though he would not want to do it.
Observe the uncompromising need for the observed to even win an argument with their little kid, just because he is the provider? even though he might be wrong.
Observe the uncompromising need for the observed to win an ego fight even with his 6 month old dog and thrashes it up?
Hmm... observe the observed. Do not think about the logic behind these action for there are no rights and wrongs. Just conditioned people and observer being identified with the conditioned observed. Conditioning's are just like dust which has gathered on the mirror; it can be washed away, and the mirror will come to its purity immediately. No dust can destroy the mirror, it can only hide it. Conditioning's can hide you, but they cannot destroy you. Just as dust can be removed from the mirror, conditioning's can be removed as easily.
Mrs. Goldstein’s frustrated next door neighbor is trying to squeeze some affection out of little Hymie. ”Do you love me, darling?” the neighbor asked Hymie. Little Hymie nodded. ”Then put your arms around me, honey, and give me a great big kiss,” she said. Hymie went on kicking his football. ”How much do you love me, precious?” the neighbor kept on. ”Show me how you would cry if I died,” she urged. ”Die first!” said Hymie running off. Do something. Don’t go on intellectualizing. Children are very clear about their perceptions. What is the point of thinking intellectually that ”If I die, would you cry?” Hymie is absolutely right – ”Die first! And then we will see.” You have to stop thinking about these things. Thinking is not going to lead anywhere. Start meditating, becoming more aware, alert – and then you don’t need my answer. The answer is within you. I am simply saying that which you will find arising within yourself.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Be aware, but in a relaxed way
Be aware, but in a relaxed way. Be aware, but without any tension. Attention without any tension. Calm and quiet. Alert, but with no strain. That memory came in the right moment – he relaxed.
The more conscious you are, the more intensely you live. The more conscious you are, the more reality becomes available to you. You EARN reality only through being conscious. When one is absolutely conscious, one is absolutely real.
Just going for a morning walk – if you can walk consciously, this is prayer. There is no need to go to any church. Prayer has no relationship with a church or a temple, prayer has something to do with your quality of awareness. You can do a thing prayerfully, and the thing may be anything, cleaning the floor, cooking the food, washing the clothes, taking a bath, going to sleep.
The more conscious you are, the more intensely you live. The more conscious you are, the more reality becomes available to you. You EARN reality only through being conscious. When one is absolutely conscious, one is absolutely real.
Just going for a morning walk – if you can walk consciously, this is prayer. There is no need to go to any church. Prayer has no relationship with a church or a temple, prayer has something to do with your quality of awareness. You can do a thing prayerfully, and the thing may be anything, cleaning the floor, cooking the food, washing the clothes, taking a bath, going to sleep.
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